tears that never made a sound

From the littlest age, I always tend to tuck myself into bed and cried tears that never made a sound so no one would ever know of it. I hated the fact when someone knew I cried, and worst- they knew of the reason behind those tears that fell. My parents would never know when I cried everytime I did nor would they of still, till this day ever knew I even shedded those tears. My tears were to shed when I'm in bed with noone else but myself. Cause thats when the thoughts in my head take over the power.

When unfortunate events occured into my life - the only thing I'd know to do was to cry. and when i was crying, i'd ask myself why did they have to happen to me. I would then just realise it's a stupid question because over sixteen years of my life- I still havent been answered.

We rarely have family issues or family fights that I would cry to myself because I always try to become strong and hold myself together. Crying is a sign of weakness and I never wanted to show that side of me. When the night comes to an end- I'd fall asleep with my tears and wake up towards the mornign trying to start everything fresh the way it would normally start.

I had a big night yesterday over the little stupidest thing. Though, it may sound wierd as I say this but I missed the fact of shedding those silent tears and pretending to be asleep when my parents came in to see if I'd slept or not .. because, it reminded me of my childhood and when as a child I could do whatever my imagination brought up.