Feeling that phase..

Wow, it's been a seriously long time. It makes me happy to know that sometimes, when I just want to pour down and out all my thoughts that been eating my brain cells up - I can always come back to here; the home to my feelings, thoughts and so so much of my memories and childhood. Well, I don't think I've announced it yet since my last post was still during my high school years. I am officially an adult (what a joke) no but seriously, I've turned 18 last March got in Uni and now doing International Business and Studies. *claps. Uni life definitely is different from highschool and yes, something tells me it'll become the most important phase and period of my life. Hopefully, it's a good one.

Anyway, I came here because I'm just simply over thinking. Over thinking about a million things. Thoughts that come into my head, family, friends, life, love etc.. Isn't it funny, it seems like my thoughts want to run away from being exposed here thinking back to the reason as to why I stopped writing a while back.. they've all gone and disappeared into thin air..

Isn't it funny that the things that you really want in life, tend to be the things that run away from you or tends to be the furthest away from you in life? And, the harder you try to reach out to them, the more it seems impossible to reach? Then suddenly, the moment you feel like giving up on it, it chases right towards you and makes you feel like it's the most simplest obtainable thing to you right now? I hate that it plays with my feelings and messes up my mind. It's funny that I know, I've only just turned 18. There is still so much time, so much life for me to live and much much more experience I can gain from. Look at this 18 year old, trying to over think things. I annoys me just as much as anything else that I seem to have so much thought racing through my head. Especially at times like this, where I should be like every one else, sleeping or just doing the most randomest shit like searching net, youtube-ing. It tires me, because I know there won't be an answer to these thoughts inside me. But still, it never fails to make me anxious or make life seem any harder than it already is.

You, I don't want to try any harder than I already did for you. This marks the end of you, playing with my feelings like it's a toy. The end of me trying, trying for nothing. Because, nothing will ever work out the way I want it with you. I hope you'll do me a favour, and just quietly leave, and let me return to the life I've always lived before you came in.

You've made your decision. I'm informing the consequences.

Exactly what I mean. You've decided to abandon what should be the most precious people in your life. I hope you're not thinking that eventually I'll be naive and forgive you like i've always done. So, don't ever come back in years of time thinking that everything can be the same again. You eventually have to learn that there are other people in this world, and the world doesn't revolve around you. I guess you don't understand that one day you will grow old, and those people who temporarily love you now will eventually leave you. Then, you'll have no one and eventually realise the people who should've meant the world to you won't be opening their hands and accepting you back again once your young years of life are over.

I mean, maybe i'm just predicting the worse for you but one thing that i can guarantee you is that you've lost me, you've lost him. And, we won't be accepting you back. Go live your excitement life for your own selfish desire. Its been 17 years of living that same ol' life already. Aren't you tired? Don't you come to realize or learn anything from the pass mistakes you've already repeatedly made? I'm tired of watching you, hoping and yearning for your love when it just isnt happening. Its over, and its for good. We're just going to be people that live on the same planet. Goodbye.

I guess it's been a while.

It's been a while hey dear friends? To be completely honest with you, I'm not going to be giving out excuses about how busy with year 12 I've been. How much life is completely fucking me over, how blah blah blah with all that shit. No. To be completely honest with you, its not that I don't have the time to spare to be blogging because, I'm on this blog every single day - giving myself daily doses of the fantastic blogs I follow. I am really completely inspired by those who write so well, we able to express opinions and say whatever the fuck they want. (I seriously don't know why I'm swearing so much over this small writing, anway!) To truth is, its because I feel like I don't have the ability to express myself anymore. Maybe not ability, but I don't have the want/need or even courage to express myself anymore. I'm sort of tired of people knowing shit, and stuff goes around like Chinese whispers. Its Adelaide, shit goes around so fast you probably won't believe it, unless you live here.

You know what, don't you ever get this feeling. That you don't want to express yourself because you're worried about judgement? Yah, dont lie I'm pretty sure we've all been there done that. I've done a lot of self reflecting lately. Like, not like fully self reflecting but sometimes when I'm doing nothing I just suddenly come to the thought of like - hey, you're wasting time here. Each second passing is something you're not going to ever get back. So what the eff are you doing? - Wierd? .. Yeah I guess you can say so. But its true, I'm inspired by so many people and you're one of them. Jokes, who the hell are you?

Sometimes, people just don't have the decency to actually be considerate enough to stop and think 'hey, i wouldn't want something like this done to me ha?'. I mean, karma's only a bitch if you are. Anyway, so I've baffled up some courage to start writing again - just a little something here and there. So, whats going on? Nothing really. Really, if you're going up to any senior year 12 right now, and ask them how life is. You're not going to get anymore than 'feeling cbf with everything'. Well, hey! If I'm wrong then its just me who's feeling this at the moment. And, at another confession. I've gone through a really tough tough month. Entire of September hasn't been so great for me. From family, to friends, to school, life - you name it, cause it all went down hill. But, once again the cbf Sarah is here so I'm taking it easy along the way.

Anyway, its not like the world revolves around me and life isn't fully dramatically bad. My uncle's getting married though? Maybe its a sign that good things are going to start trolling in? Anyway, congratulations on your marriage fatty. Our little men is finally married. Aww, *proud. Okay, take care children. I'm going food hunting now. :) See you in another 4541857 years maybe? Aw, no! I wanna share wedding images! Stay tuned and study hard!

I guess I'm still waiting for that day when you'll finally come to realise who's actually more important to you. But, sometimes waiting is just to tiring for me. I may act like I don't need your presence, its because you've taught me so well on how to build on a strong image and not depend on others. You taught me to fall when others leave like how you left. I don't know, its more disappointing to realise that after all this time - you still bring me back to where we started. Maybe, you don't understand how important year 12 is for me and I guess its not something that can be helped. But is it that hard to come to your senses to realise that I may need  you here to just be there for me. Just for another 2 months? 


You come and go, and act like its your duty to be here. Please, no ones making you come back. For own sense of happiness and you must ruin another child's start, don't you ever think about any else apart from yourself? You're expecting to be respected, but you show no sense of self that even allows people to respect you. Not even a little bit.

Now, i cbf even talking about you. I will eventually hate you. I honestly feel that day is coming another step closer. Its the last thing I'd want to do, so don't make me take the turn.

just another random thing, don't bother!

Yes, you're probably thinking - what the eff is up with the photo I posted. Well my explanation will just merely be that I don't have any photos of awesome things on my laptop - unless you're wanting another double S spam? ;) Either all, we do fail at winking but I mean, she's a lovely girl so it can't be that bad ! :D We enjoy being silly in senior year, and if you can't put up with it then screw you.

Sorry for abandoning you guys for such a period of time. I don't know if you guys would believe me, but i seriously log on to blogger every single day. But then I tend to update myself on some of my beloved favourites more than writing one myself. Then suddenly, today I felt like you guys deserve better. Either all, I'v somehow managed to let some virus spread inside me again. Spent the weekends being sick and this morning waking up and totally lost my voice D: I'm feeling very ill and to the fact, I've actually got trials in one week and here I sit, not studying, haven't done jack, and yeah wooohoo! go Sarah! Looks like you're on a roll with year 12 'ere :D

Anyway, I'm going to keep this short. Its 12:58 Adelaide time and I just woke up - LOL, who am I kidding. Nah I'm serious. I'm going to wash up and then do some shit before I head off to do something other things I have to check off my list today. Seriously, this is too rhfsafnsdfndxf!

So, whats happened with SENIOR YEAR so far.

I just felt like doing a little update on some photos! Cause I'm cool like that.

Hien Nguyen's 17th

Multicultural Night

OLSH Senior 2011 Formal

Senior Retreat

Then I realised I don't have all my photos on this laptop, I will do a better one another time. When I feel like washing more of my time down the drain again. Take care kids.